Carry On
by Shyma Tavrott Lupin
Summary: What would've happened if Xanatos had died in If Everyone Cared? Companion piece to Someday. Non-slash
1. ObiWan

**Hey all, here's the second one-shot companion piece to Someday. This is the story I promised in one of the chapters of what would've happened if Xanatos had died at the end of If Everyone Cared. It is a bit angsty but hey, we all love angst don't we? lol So Enjoy!**

_He's Gone_

18 year old Obi-Wan Kenobi repeated in his head for the millionth time.

He blinked.

Just the thought of _him _being gone made him want to cry.

It had been a whole week since the incident on Naboo, and as of now, Obi-Wan had shed all his tears and let loose all his screams.

And now he was doing the only thing there was left to do.

Lay in bed, curled up into a tight ball, cold, tired and exhausted.

He lay facing the wall. Staring aimlessly into the whiteness of it.

He blinked again, attempting to hydrate his eyes, but having no avail.

Suddenly, he felt a very familiar presence fill the room. A presence he shouldn't be able to feel unless he was somehow a week in the past. He figured it was his unstable mind or his weak grip on the force causing him to feel things.

"Hey" a more than familiar voice came from behind him. The voice of Xanatos Omega. Obi-Wan wasn't exactly sure if he had actually heard it or if it was in his head. Nevertheless he replied "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Xanatos asked.

"Empty" Obi-Wan answered in a monotone voice.

"I saw you get knighted" Xanatos;s smile illuminated his words.

"Worst moment of my life" Obi-Wan replied coldly.

"Don't talk like that Knight Kenobi."

"Stop it. Don't call me that. That tittle is a constant reminder that you're gone. The council always calls me that now. It's like they're all saying I'm a knight now and you're dead now. So I should just move on with life and be happy, and that's what you would want."

"I'm afraid they're right kid. I do want you to move on and be happy."

"I can't move on."

"Of course you can. You have to. If you can then so can everyone else."

"Qui-Gon and Alliya have been trying to help...but they can do only so much without feeling the sting of loss themselves. Plus Qui-Gon's got Anakin to deal with now" Obi-Wan whispered "It should have been me. I should have died."

"No you shouldn't have. You're young and have so much to live for Obi-Wan. I would have never been able to forgive myself if it was you that had died. I would have surely gone mad" Xanatos replied.

"And what about me?!" Obi-Wan shot back. It vaguely occured to him once again that he may be speaking to a voice in his head. But he had already questioned his sanity to the limit a long time ago, so if he was talking to himself he had nothing to lose "Do you think I'm not going mad?! Do you think I can ever forgive myself?! I failed in my attempt to save you! I'm a failure master! I am a failure!"

"You didn't fail anything Obi-Wan. I blocked you out. When I felt you sending your own life force into me I knew it would kill you in the process. And I just couldn't let that happen. So I blocked you out."

Silence.

"It's so quiet now. So empty and calm. No more stupid and useless mental conversations till we get headaches the size of Coroscant. No more wasting our time playing holo-games or throwing witty comments at each other for hours on end. It's all gone now..." Obi-Wan whispered.

"It's not all gone. As long as you keep the memory of it, it'll never fully be gone" Xanatos said quietly.

Obi-Wan snorted "I suppose you're going to give me some shit about 'I'll always be in your heart' or something like that now?"

"It's true Obi-Wan. I will always live on in your heart."

"If you're in my heart then why does it feel so cold?" Obi-Wan said bitterly.

"Maybe you don't believe it yet. Maybe you think I've just left you and that's it. End of story."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened a bit "What do you-" but he stopped himself as he turned around to face the door. Where he saw the vibrant glowing form of his master, leaning against the doorframe.

"What? Surprised to see I'm not in your head?" Xanatos chuckled. He walked slowly over to a stunned Obi-Wan and sat down on the bed across from the young man. Obi-Wan just stared up at him in shock.

"Listen Obi-Wan, the force is a mystical thing. You never know what it will do. And that includes turning a dead man into a force ghost" Xanatos nodded.

"Are you real?" Obi-Wan barely choked out.

"As real as the force itself" Xanatos smiled. And at that Obi-Wan launched himself into the arms of his master, shocked even more to find him very much solid.

"I missed you" he choked into his master's chest.

"I know...I know."

"Stay with me...."

"Shh, you need to rest now. When you wake I won't be here for you to physically see me" Xanatos said softly "But I will always be there if you ever need a talk. And I will always be listening for anything you have to say. Promise me you'll take better care of yourself that you have in the past week, and that you'll try to carry on....for my sake" he whispered into the teen's hair.

"I promise" Obi-Wan said almost inaudibly "I promise." By now he was shaking uncontrollably in his master's hold. But as Xanatos tightened his grip on him, Obi-Wan found himself begin to calm. He relaxed and sank into a secure sleep. Something he hadn't had in days.

And as the boy was finally lulled into the delicate sleep, Xanatos felt the force calling him back. He placed the younger softly onto the bed and slowly stroked the auburn hair of his...his former apprentice. Before losing his physical form.

But it didn't hurt Xanatos one bit because he knew...he knew his son would fullfill his promises and carry on. He knew his son would make him proud.

**WOOHOO!! Second post today! I uploaded this and another one-shot story about Obi-Wan and Anakin. So yay!! lol**

**So I read this over and I was thinking should I put up what would've happened if Obi-Wan died? Cause if you like that idea then I'll put it up as the second chapter of this =]**

**Review!!! =]**


	2. Xanatos

**Oh my god, after millions of messages and reviews from my wonderful and beloved Bubbly-PadawanKenobi, I've finally completed the second chapter of this. Phew!**

**XD I really hope it meets your expectations! Enjoy!!**

Xanatos Omega stared hard into the mirror in front of him.

But no matter how hard he looked, he could not see himself. All he saw was an empty shadow of the person he once was. He saw dark blank eyes in the place of light aquamarine ones. He saw dark lines underneath his eyes, instead of the creases that filled his features from his broad smiles. He saw an unkempt beard in place of the cleanly shaven face that he had kept for the past 2 decades.

But most of all he saw a broken, lonely man that had suffered one too many losses a bit too young.

Xanatos couldn't stand this person...this thing that he had become. He refused to believe it really was himself. Because it wasn't.

The Xanatos Omega that was him had a normally vibrant, stoic, lovable and slightly eccentric personality. Had turned away from the dark side, gotten knighted at 18, accomplished more than any master ever before he was knighted and had trained a padawan.

Most importantly trained a padawan

A vibrant, lively, hyperactive, passionate young apprentice of only 18. An apprentice who was now one with the force.

Xanatos squeezed his eyes shut as the thought passed his mind. _One with the force, it's all your fault he joined the force at a mere 18 years of age. All your fault._

It had been one whole week. One whole week since he'd last seen his padawan's face, since he'd smiled, since he'd left Obi-Wan's room. Every once in a while someone would drop by and try to pry him from the dark messy room, never succeeding any more than the person before. He'd seen Alliya, Qui-Gon, Garen, Reeft, each of them barely better condition than himself. The main difference was that they would live on…he would not.

Xanatos truly felt dead inside. He had lost the one person he held closest to his heart. The one person he shared everything with, the one person he trusted with his life. The one person whose life had been taken in the process of saving his own.

Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi had passed on from sending too much of his own life force into Xanatos when the elder was on the brink of death that day on Naboo. And thought Xanatos was faintly conscious during the act he was far to weak to say or do anything to stop his apprentice. So he was forced to do nothing as the boy practically gave his life away. And that had to be the worst part.

Xanatos felt so many emotions inside-self hate, anger, guilt, hurt, sorrow, blind furry, agony-just so many things thrown in one it was almost too much to bear. He felt unsettled and crazy within. Oh yes, he was definitely going crazy. No doubt about it. Crazy as hell.

Xanatos jumped as a knock sounded at the door. "'s open…" he called, finding his voice a bit weaker than he had expected.

"Hey, Xanatos" the head of Siri Tachi poked through the door.

He turned to face her "Siri…how are you?"

"Alright" she said as she opened the door wider and stepped into the room "No better than you I suppose…"

Xanatos greeted her with a soft hug as she approached him. And upon stepping back, she spoke. "I really wish I was here on a social visit but…the council sent me here to give you something they er…found in Obi-Wan's pocket…they thought you should probably have it…" she fished something out of her pocket and handed it to him "Here." It was a piece of paper. It was folded several times, on the top fold in the unmistakable handwriting of Obi-Wan Kenobi was written _**Xanatos**_

"No one's opened it yet, we all thought you'd best better" Siri said as Xanatos inspected the paper "I'll leave you to it then…" she began to back away towards the door.

"Siri" Xanatos called to her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you…for this" he lifted the paper in his hand.

"Not a problem. Hope you feel better" she did her best to smile at him. He did his best to return it. Once she left, the door closing behind her, Xanatos turned his attention back to the object in his hand. He stared at the writing on the top fold for a long time before turning around and heading to Obi-Wan's bed. He sat down and with a deep breath, opened up the paper, almost afraid to see what was inside. But once it was fully opened he found it full to the edge with words. He started from the top:

_Dear Xanatos,_

_If you're reading this I can only guess how our wonderful epic battle turned out. I had a bad feeling about it to begin with. Anyway before I begin, do me a favor and smile. I don't care at what, just smile, at the paper at the floor, at my carpet (I'm sure you're standing in my room this instant) at whatever. Just smile. I'm sure I'll see it from wherever I am. It'll relieve me to know you are still capable of doing so._

Xanatos smiled a little at how well his apprentice knew him, and how even while writing a letter as such he could be sarcastic and witty.

…_Done? Ok, good, now do me a favor, every single time you look at yourself in the mirror now, smile. Smile at yourself like you would smile at me. Got it? Good, moving on then, let's start with the basics shall we? The cliché bullcrap like don't mourn and don't be sad because I'll always be in your heart. Ok now, knowing you, you're probably sitting in my room right now, haven't eaten, showered or even left my room for days. Right, not good. Do you really think the galaxy needs you dead too? I didn't think so, and you know what Xanatos, if I see you in the force any time soon either you're going to get it. Real bad. _

_So do me and everyone else that cares to the world's end about you a favor and don't throw yourself away like I know you're doing. I know I'm no one to talk because if I were in your situation I would be doing the exact same. And god knows some measly letter won't make me move an inch. But hopefully this gets through to you and you value it a little more than I think you will. _

_Aside from that, there are some things I wanted to tell you that I honestly couldn't find the courage to up front. First off I didn't mean for things to end for us with Tattoine. I mean, I know we fixed things after that but…I don't know, it's hard to explain. i guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry we didn't get the time to recover from Tattoine. What happened back there is all just a blur now. All I remember is you me, fighting, ignoring each other and unhappiness. It wasn't how I pictured things to end. With an unhealed scar still there. So for that I am deeply sorry. _

_Second I can't thank you enough for not choosing Anakin as your apprentice over me. 1) I don't think I could have ever forgiven you for that and 2) I'm sure that would have been ended up as being the last scar before my demise and force knows that would have been terrible. So preventing a disaster such as that from occurring, thank you. _

_Xanatos, I've known you since I was less than three years old. I've grown up with you and you're the only real parental figure I know. My galaxy, my life and everything to do with it revolved around you and the sheer respect and love I had for you. And for the record just because I'm not here anymore doesn't mean all that still isn't true. But just know that you've made such an enormous impact on my life, you've shaped and molded me into the young man I died as. And I can honestly say I wouldn't have had it any other way. You made me someone I am proud to have lived as and you loved me unconditionally for who I was. You were just so much to me I can't even begin to express it in words. _

_And I want you to know that after you've done so much for me it hurts me to the core of my being when you are hurt. When something causes you in pain it causes me pain and I'm sure you don't want me to be in pain even after my death…right?_

"Right…" Xanatos muttered under his breath.

_So do me a favor and go take care of yourself. Live your life, Xanatos. You are such an amazing, miraculous person and you need to get out there and show people that talent of yours. Keep it alive and don't waste it on my death. You know how to change lives, don't stop. Nothing would make me happier than to see others enjoying your company and finding strength through you. They however can't do that if you lack strength yourself._

_Xanatos, from the day I met you you've been a bold, headstrong, and incredible person. And when I look down on you from the force I want to continue to see that person and if I don't you don't know how much pain it will cause me. So please, for my sake, walk out of my room-walk out of our quarters and be the Xanatos I know you to be._

_You're more than a father to me by now, and you know I love you just as much. _

_Goodbye._

_Your Son,_

_Obi-Wan Kenobi_

Xanatos blinked as a tear slid down his cheek. Damn his overly sensitive, emotion provoking apprentice. He brushed the back of his palm across his eyes and glanced at the letter once more. That Obi-Wan Kenobi really knew how to do something. He took a deep breath and slid the letter carefully into his pocket. He stood up and headed for the fresher. He really needed to get washed up-then maybe he'd ask Qui-Gon to dinner.

And as he stepped into the fresher, something caught his eyes; the mirror.  
Xanatos Omega stared hard into the mirror in front of him.

But no matter how hard he looked, he could not see himself. All he saw was an empty shadow of the person he once was. He saw dark blank eyes in the place of light aquamarine ones. He saw dark lines underneath his eyes, instead of the creases that filled his features from his broad smiles. He saw an unkempt beard in place of the cleanly shaven face that he had kept for the past 2 decades.

But suddenly the words of Obi-Wan's letter came back to him:

_Do me a favor, every single time you look at yourself in the mirror now, smile. Smile at yourself like you would smile at me._

Xanatos looked straight into the mirror. And smiled. Smiled like he would have smiled at Obi-Wan had the young man been standing in front of him at the moment. He smiled

And suddenly through all the pain, all the misery and all the heart break-he saw himself. He saw Xanatos Omega. He saw the Xanatos Omega that was him had a normally vibrant, stoic, lovable and slightly eccentric personality. Had turned away from the dark side, gotten knighted at 18, accomplished more than any master ever before he was knighted and had trained a padawan.

But most of all he found the will. The will to Carry On.

**Hmmm, I think I'm going to change the name of this story to just Carry On, since I've added this chapter with Xanatos =] Hope you guys liked it! **

**Review!!!**


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